citycylinders - oh, im not alone now.

theres nothing i love more than a tall glass of chocolate milk, a ham sammidge (with mayo of course) accompanied with chill songs and me in my PJ's. too bad i fell UP the stairs and spilled milk all over myself. i couldnt help but laugh. C:

so guys, i have a story about ben.
he told chris im crazy. yeah. he said that he had his eye on me as a girlfriend and was going to ask me out but aparently i flipped out on him and said not to bother hanging out with me that weekend. he neglected to tell him the part where he said im too clingy and that i need to back off. and, i didnt flip out on him. i said  "okay, ill stop bugging you then. you dont have to come saturday cause i didnt think youd want to. nite". is that flipping out? noooo. chris wants me to talk to him but i dont really want to. i dont care. i guess thats another thing i learned thanks to Nathaniel, not to take things so hard or overthink them or get so upset when things dont work out how i want them to.

speaking of Nathaniel. i dont feel like looking back into my archive to see if i mentioned him or not and how we've been talking. but we have. it makes me miss hanging out with him. we're gna hang out once he gets back to NB, hopefully. we probably will but you never know how things work out and plans change. he will want to see his family obv, and his other friends. i know im important to him though so it's okay if we dont hang out when he comes back. i want to, obviously though. when we were talking we basically came upon this agreement of sorts i guess you could call it where we are basically gna act like we're together when we are physically together without the i love you's and aim stuff or whatever. he says it will be harder to handle us being apart if we are boyfriend and girlfriend which i will say i dont understand for once. i dont think it matters if we have a label or not, our feelings arent going to change. but im not going to fight him on it. ever since then i think about him more. i dont know if he thinks about me more or not, and i know he wont just randomly say it but it would be nice to know i guess. so i dont feel like an idiot or im being too clingy or coming on too strong even though i cant control my thoughts. im sick of pushing him out of my head. chase coy makes me think about him cause all his songs are like, about long distance relationships. three songs have lyrics that i wish i could say to him or i wish hed say to me, or that i just wish were real.

these lines especially.
"cause i dont want to miss an autumn evening here with you like this."
"and if this is how it has to be just promise you wont forget me"
"i need to know i only need to know that you'll be here when i come back home"
"everything may not be perfect, but at least we tried"
"but it's too late now to say all the wonderful things that i thought of you"
"did you know how much you meant to me?
 did you know i still carry i still carry the memories?
 did you know that for me letting go wasnt easy, oh no."
"i just need a bit more time to get you off my mind tonight"

blah, i hate it. i lied. i dont. i listen to these songs all the time i just cant bring myself to skip them when they come on. haha C: but anyways. i got a picture finally with the hannah montana stand up at the mall! i've wanted one for so longggg C: yesssss! ugh. its hard to keep him off my mind. i feel like an idiot cause hes probably not thinking of me nearly as much as im thinking about him. but who knows. i could be wrong. i want him to tell me but i cant. im not just gna be like "aye, you think about me as much as i think about you?" -____-

i guess we will see where this all goes.
john westgate likes me.
hmm.